Man Drowns During Baptism

From CBS5.com (San Joaquin):

Rescuers have called off the search for a 22-year-old man feared drowned during a baptism in the San Joaquin Delta.

The Hispanic man disappeared under the water late Sunday afternoon near the Brannan Island State Recreation Area, northeast of the San Francisco Bay, according to Coast Guard officials.

A Sacramento County Drowning Accident Rescue Team (DART) joined the
underwater search for the missing man, whose identity has not been released.

Officials called off the search Sunday night.

I always knew there was a reason why Catholic, Orthodox, and Anglican churches conducted baptisms - be it by sprinlking or immersion - in a controlled fashion. Although there are certain definite eternal advantages to proceeding directly from baptism to judgment, it really impacts both the popularity of the sacrament and Sunday church attendance.

Pastor:
"I baptize thee in the name of <burble>the Father</burble> and <burble>the Son</burble> and <burble>the Holy Spirit. (missing end-burble tag)

Penitent:
"Wow! Hi, Jesus! I didn't really expect to see You during the baptism! Wait until I tell my friends!"

Jesus:
"Umm...well, I have some really Good News, and just a touch of bad news..."

Some attorney is going to sell his soul for the bloody fortune he can make out of this. There is, however, a marketing opportunity. Some enterprising soul should start manufacturing life vests in the shape of angel wings, or baptismal gowns with internal flotation devices.

Not quite the right Angels, I guess, but it might be appropriate in San Joaquin.