Hymns for the Episcopal Church House of Bishops

The House of Cards Bishops of The Church Formerly Known as ECUSA has been meeting in New Orleans to try to find a way to hide their rampant heresy and apostasy address the concerns of the Anglican Communion regarding their interpretation of Holy Scripture, particularly with regard to issues of human sexuality. As part of their proceedings, they have been using a special hymnal with some interesting lyrics (hat tip to Chris Johnson at Midwest Conservative Journal).

Mothering God, you gave me birth
in the bright morning of this world.
Creator, source of every breath,
you are my rain, my wind, my sun.

Mothering Christ, you took my form,
offering me your food of light,
grain of life, and grape of love,
your very body for my peace.

Mothering Spirit, nurturing one,
in arms of patience hold me close,
so that in faith I root and grow
until I flower, until I know.

Overcome with the demonic fresh spirit blowing through TEC, and wishing only to be helpful, the Waffler suggests the following for inclusion in the new hymnal. Hopefully, it will be accepted throughout the Episcopal Church and become a valued and meaningful part of Rite III worship.

Vigoro God, You planted my seed;
In compost and soil You give me bliss.
Cultivator, You stake my stem
That I may enjoy photosynthesis.

Vigoro Christ, my fertilizer
Grant us Your holy constituents
Phosphorous of divine inclusion
Potassium of peace, endless nutrients.

Vigoro Spirit, Atmosphere
In gusts of love blow away all my aphids
And send Your fire of Cee - Oh - Two
And let me become heaven's zucchini bread.

Nothing to see here, folks...nothing unorthodox here...move along now.