Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Hymns for the Episcopal Church House of Bishops

The House of Cards Bishops of The Church Formerly Known as ECUSA has been meeting in New Orleans to try to find a way to hide their rampant heresy and apostasy address the concerns of the Anglican Communion regarding their interpretation of Holy Scripture, particularly with regard to issues of human sexuality. As part of their proceedings, they have been using a special hymnal with some interesting lyrics (hat tip to Chris Johnson at Midwest Conservative Journal).

Mothering God, you gave me birth
in the bright morning of this world.
Creator, source of every breath,
you are my rain, my wind, my sun.

Mothering Christ, you took my form,
offering me your food of light,
grain of life, and grape of love,
your very body for my peace.

Mothering Spirit, nurturing one,
in arms of patience hold me close,
so that in faith I root and grow
until I flower, until I know.

Overcome with the demonic fresh spirit blowing through TEC, and wishing only to be helpful, the Waffler suggests the following for inclusion in the new hymnal. Hopefully, it will be accepted throughout the Episcopal Church and become a valued and meaningful part of Rite III worship.

Vigoro God, You planted my seed;
In compost and soil You give me bliss.
Cultivator, You stake my stem
That I may enjoy photosynthesis.

Vigoro Christ, my fertilizer
Grant us Your holy constituents
Phosphorous of divine inclusion
Potassium of peace, endless nutrients.

Vigoro Spirit, Atmosphere
In gusts of love blow away all my aphids
And send Your fire of Cee - Oh - Two
And let me become heaven's zucchini bread.

Nothing to see here, folks...nothing unorthodox here...move along now.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Rowan Williams to celebrate 'secret' LGBT communion service

From The Times (London):
The Clergy Consultation has managed to get the Archbishop of Canterbury to celebrate a communion service and give a talk on 'present realities and future possibilities for lesbians and gay men in the Church.' The consultation is a support organisation for male and female, lesbian, gay, bi-sexual or transgender clergy, religious, ordinands, seminarians and their partners. As we report, the meeting, so secret that the list of those attending was to be 'shredded once seen by the Archbishop', is on November 29 at St Peter's, Eaton Square where the Bishop of Salisbury's former chaplain, Nick Papadopulos, is the new Vicar. The meeting is being organised by Chris Newlands, chaplain to the Bishop of Chelmsford, and Christina Beardsley. It comes at a particularly sensitive time given that the Archbishop is travelling to the US this week to see what steps TEC bishops are taking in order to come in line with Windsor following the 2003 consecration of Gene Robinson...
Those remaining orthodox Episcopalians who pin their hopes on support from the Anglican Communion might want to take note. I will love to see the Global South response to this revelation.

du·plic·i·ty (doo-plIs'-Itee, dyoo-)
n. pl. du·plic·i·ties
1. a. Deliberate deceptiveness in behavior or speech. b. An instance of deliberate deceptiveness; double-dealing.
2. The quality or state of being twofold or double.

It's not my place to determine whether My Lord Archbishop's actions fit definition one, although the secret nature of the meeting certainly causes one to think. Given the current state of the communion and ++Rowan's role in trying to keep it together, definition two certainly sems to fit. In any case, it certainly provides those who hold to the historic faith a clear indicator of their status in any future church under Canterbury.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Evangelist Sends Tape to Osama

What's good for the goose (from WorldNet Daily)...

An American television evangelist has turned the tables on al-Qaida terrorist leader Osama bin Laden - sending him a video message warning him to repent of his sins and convert to Christianity.

"Osama, since you seem to be a fan of video messages, I thought this would be the best way to communicate with you," says Bill Keller, host of the Florida-based "Live Prayer" TV program as well as LivePrayer.com in a message being posted to YouTube and 20 other major video sites in the U.S. as well as some 50 in the Middle East.

Keller said his goal was to reach out to bin Laden with a message of salvation.

"Look at you, look at your life," Keller says. "You live like a hunted goat in caves, totally dependent on a small group of people for your survival. At any moment, one of those you trust could betray you like Judas betrayed Jesus and your life would be over. The false prophet you follow, Mohammad, was poisoned to death by one of his wives."

Keller continues: "It is against the most basic standard of good and evil that your life, Osama, will be judged by historians and future generations to be one of pure, unbridled evil."
Keller has harsh words not only for bin Laden, but for Islam, as well.

"You followed the same path as the false prophet you have put your faith in - Mohammad - who, like you, was once a businessman, but who history has recorded was nothing more than a murdering pedophile who led men's souls to eternal damnation with the false religion he created," Keller says. "Islam is a 1,400-year-old lie that was born out of the voice of Satan - literally. Mohammad was correct when he stated it was Satan who initially spoke to him. He dreamed up his own god, Allah, a poor imitation of the God of the Bible, and inspired his own holy book, the Quran, a cheap imitation of the inspired, inerrant Word of God found in the Bible."

[...] "There are no virgins waiting for you in Paradise when you die, only Satan and the everlasting punishment of hell," said Keller. "The good news I have come to deliver to you is that you, yes, even you Osama, can escape God's wrath. He loves you so much, that He sent Jesus to die for your sins, all of them, every last one! Yes Osama, even you can be saved and enter into the Glory of Heaven. Not some fictitious place called "paradise" with women waiting to have sex with you, but the home of God where you can find eternal peace and rest when your life on this earth is over."
Turnabout is apparently no longer fair play in these once-free United States of America. Keller's program was jerked off the Tampa CBS afiliate after complaints from CAIR - the Council of American-Islamic Relations.

Keller is an odd duck, but I'm not sure his arguments rise to the level of being worthy of censoring.

Islam is de facto the untouchable religion now in American society. CAIR can wield the veto over what goes on the airwaves, despite the fact that it's first director, Hihad Awad, was a public supporter of Hamas, raised funds for a Hamas front group in the name of 9-11 relief, and has had three associates indicted on terrorism charges since 9-11.

On the other hand, Kathy Griffin can say of her Emmy, "Suck it, Jesus. This award is my god, now!" and Hollywood will spring to her defense. They are indeed not broadcasting her comments on the telivised version of the awards show, but she is suffering little if any blowback. One wonders what would have happened to her had she said, "Suck it, Allah?" I can only guess.

Oh well, it's not like it wasn't all predicted...

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Airlines to Avoid

A novel aircraft maintenance strategy:
KATHMANDU (Reuters) - Officials at Nepal's state-run airline have sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, following technical problems with one of its Boeing 757 aircraft, the carrier said on Tuesday.

Nepal Airlines, which has two Boeing aircraft, has had to suspend some services in recent weeks due the problem.

The goats were sacrificed in front of the troublesome aircraft on Sunday at Nepal's only international airport in Kathmandu in accordance with Hindu traditions, an official said.

"The snag in the plane has now been fixed and the aircraft has resumed its flights," said Raju K.C., a senior airline official, without explaining what the problem had been.

Local media last week blamed the company's woes on an electrical fault. The carrier runs international flights to five cities in Asia.

It is common in Nepal to sacrifice animals like goats and buffaloes to appease different Hindu deities.
Frankly, were I a passenger, I’d feel more comfortable if they’d used a mechanic. Does the size of the plane influence the nature of the sacrifice? If a 747 breaks, do you have to sacrifice a yak? Does a Cessna only require a couple of turtledoves?

Based on my recent flights, Ihope this desn't become popular in post-Christian America - the airline will start charging extra for goats.

"For those wishing a sacrifice, goats are available from the flight crew for a charge of $5.00. Please present either a credit card or exact change."