Sunday, January 01, 2006

The Waffler’s 2006 Predictions

Prognostications from The Waffling Anglican’s crystal ball, which – being a committed Christian – he neither owns nor believes in. (Remember – these are worth every cent you’re paying for them. If any of these fail to come true, I guarantee to gently slap my forehead with the back of my hand and exclaim “Darn!”)

  1. Iraq will stabilize, sort of, with a gradual slowdown in violence and a constitutional, if Islamically-slanted government. A small number of troops will be withdrawn, and a whole lot will be removed from street patrol. The press will continue to report nothing except bombs and body counts.

  2. Somebody – most likely the Israelis (overtly) with US assistance (covertly) - will strike Iran’s nuclear facilities. Iran’s nuclear capabilities won’t be eliminated, but will be crippled. Europe and North Korea will throw screaming hissy fits. Companies selling flammable American flags will make a killing.

  3. The hysterical anti-war movement in the USA will go berserk over #2 and stall any further offensives in the War on Terror, putting the USA back on the defensive. Al Qaeda will regroup – probably renamed with new faces – while we pay attention to Tom Cruise’s baby.

  4. The economy will continue to grow, and the press will continue to claim the economy is in the toilet. The stock market will finish the year with the Dow over 11,000. Prosperity will be attibuted to anything except tax cuts.

  5. ECUSA will make all kinds of incomprehensible statements at General Convention affirming its commitments to the Anglican Communion, but will not change its policies. Orthodox Episcopalians will complain but do nothing. A few orthodox congregations here and there will leave. A few orthodox individuals here and there will leave. At the end of 2006, postings on Anglican blogs about ECUSA's future will look exactly the same as those at the end of 2005.

  6. A lawsuit will be filed demanding the right to plural marriage. It will be denied and appealed. It won’t be approved in 2006, but several couples groups conglomerates whatever will do it, and no one will go to jail for it.

  7. There will be more Islamic unrest in Western Europe. The Waffling Anglican will pray for a compassionate heart and will feel guilty about feeling glee. It is bad thing for everyone, and I will be ashamed of myself.

  8. The Republican party will retain control of the House and Senate, losing a Senate seat and making small gains in the HOR. Based on the performance of the current Republican leadership, however, this prediction may prove completely wrong and no one will be able to tell the difference.

  9. The southern border will continue to leak like a sieve. People will continue to enjoy cheap labor, and will continue to complain about the lack of good construction jobs.

  10. Christianity will continue to grow like a weed around the world, while the West continues trying to write its obituary.

Anyone with the temerity to challenge The Waffler's predictive powers may do so at their own peril.