Angli-Can

New for your parish!
Tired of all that silly old doctrine? Need to get rid of obsolete scriptural standards of theology and conduct so you too can “speak prophetically” like the really cool parishes? Got any leftover non-gender-inclusive bibles or 1928 prayerbooks?

We at Anglican Innovations are proud to announce our new series of Angli-Can™ spiritual toilets for the disposal of outdated materials. Each Angli-Can is designed to handle centuries of dogmas and doctrines before requiring a service call. Our unique, specially designed spiritual refuse treatment system (Spiritual Innovation by Neognosticism, or SIN system, pat. pend.) will take the most established doctrines and traditions and turn them into harmless, odorless, guilt-free vapor.


Angli-Cans come in a variety of styles to suit any church, from the most old-fashioned and unwreckovated to the most modern and stylish, and can be color coded to match the ecclesial standing of the clergy involved. Illustrated below are the Priestly model, in black, and the Episcopal model in stylish bishop’s purple.

Since even the most post-modern and theologically up-to-date clergy are likely to have their own favorite doctrines in need of renovation, we at Anglican Innovations suggest providing each clergyperson with their own personal Angli-Can. We can provide all sorts of individually-tailored package deals to make Angli-Cans available to even the fastest-declining smallest parish. Call us immediately at 1-800-666-6666 to reserve yours today!

Warning: Some individuals have reported unpleasant odors of brimstone when using their Angli-Cans. Extensive research shows this to be an idiosyncratic response of particular individuals whose immune system are sensitized to theological innovations. This condition can usually be cured by sending the individuals to a few classes at an up-to-date seminary. In the rare instance where this does not cure the condition, our consultants from Asmodeus, Appolyon, and Abraxas, LLP sadly recommend removing the individual from the parish. Their constant complaints are likely to cause divisiveness and – in extreme cases – conviction of sin, things that all modern congregations must avoid at any cost. Ask for our free brochure Dealing with the Innovation-Impaired, with tips on dealing with this unfortunate situation.