Smurfocalypse Now

Unicef bombs the Smurfs in fund-raising campaign for ex-child soldiers

According to the Times of London, “The people of Belgium have been left reeling by the first adult-only episode of the Smurfs, in which the blue-skinned cartoon characters' village is annihilated by warplanes.

The short but chilling film is the work of Unicef, the United Nations Children's Fund, and is to be broadcast on national television next week as a campaign advertisement.”

Ever since I first saw them on TV, I confess to having my own secret desire to napalm the Smurfs. However, it would be one thing for some twisted soul like myself to produce an underground classic like Die, Smurf, Die in the tradition of Bambi Meets Godzilla. It’s quite another thing for a supposedly reputable group of supposed adults to use it in an advertising campaign.

Besides traumatizing children (“It is not to be broadcast before the 9 PM watershed” – give me a break. We all know how well that protects kids.), it also seems to miss the point for which it is supposed to be raising funds. The use of children in warfare is a real problem in a number of third-world conflicts, just as it has been in first-world conflicts in the past. Nations in the process of losing have never been averse to sending 13 year olds into harm’s way. The Hitlerjungend were thrown into the last-ditch defense of Berlin and died like sheep in a slaughterhouse; Iran was happy to use teenagers as low-tech way to clear paths through minefields.

In the first place, these kids are real human beings, not little blue humanoid caricatures. In the second place, they aren’t just being blown to bits by being caught in the crossfire – that is the common tragedy of conflict everywhere and everywhen, These kids are being shanghaied into units and forced to deal with levels of death and violence that are hard enough for grown men. A healthy man can return from the wars and go on with his life. Children can’t – like dogs raised for the fighting pit, their very formation as people has been warped and twisted, and they need a lot of help.

A campaign like this may raise a lot of money, especially in Europe, where they will no doubt assume the planes must be from those awful Americans. It will not, however, do very much at all to really bring attention to the problem, and that leaves us with the all-too-common prospect of a well-intentioned project with more funds than useful ideas.