JustAsUR

Anglican Innovations expands its product line with the release of the A.I. JustAsUR™ guilt freshener and sin deodorizer!

Can you imagine anything more embarrassing than bringing a group of friends to your modern, up-to-date parish, only to have them stare at those leftover stains of sin on the baseboards, or curl their noses when they get a whiff of personal guilt and repentance? You know perfectly well that by Monday at the office, they’ll be smirking behind your back and referring to you as a “fundie!” What can you do?

You might be tempted to resort to those cheap, alcohol-based personal conscience erasers available over the counter at the local grocery or beverage store. Remember, those products wear off after just a few hours. The constant temptation is to use them in greater amounts at increasing frequency, which can lead to unforeseen social consequences. Besides, their effects extend only to the actual user. Just because you are rendered impervious to guilt doesn’t mean your friends are!

JustAsUR™ takes an entirely different approach; it is an industrial-strength product aimed at eliminating guilt and covering over sin throughout an entire building. Air is forced through patented gel packs to filter out any reference to sin, evil, repentance, or transformation that may be drifting through the spiritual atmosphere of your congregation and replace them with far more soothing and calming vapors.

The gel packs are easily replaced, and come in six different fragrances – Cosmic Harmony, Relative Truth, Personal Success, Congregational Togetherness, Tolerance and Acceptance, and – what promises to be our most popular scent – Inclusiveness. Each gel pack is guaranteed to last a full week. The minister simply turns on the device (remote control included at no extra cost!) at the start of his or her sermon. By the time the sermon is over, the entire congregation is soothed into a sense of fundamental goodness, and any thoughts of personal sin, transformation, or holiness have been replaced with the warm, golden glow of heightened self-esteem. The potential savings in clergy workload, just in counseling hours alone, is enormous!

Best of all, the effects of JustAsUR™ don’t wear off when the service ends! The entire congregation will be immune to any personal conviction of sin until their next dose the following week! The patented sin-generalization ingredients released by each gel pack ensure that any individual crimes, failings or injustices will be blamed on a nonspecific “them” instead of that awful, convicting “me.” By installing a JustAsUR™ module in your church, you can be certain that your whole flock will pass their week blissfully self-absorbed and make no impact in the world whatsoever. You’ll never be stricken from the A-list as a “fundie” again! Get yours today!

NOTE: JustAsUR™ is not available in stores; it can only be ordered from our exclusive distributor, Angel of Light Products, by calling 1-866-666-6666.