Monday, January 08, 2007

Bad Hymn Contest

Dr. Phillip Blosser has blogged a reference to what may well be the worst hymn ever written in the history of man on Earth, Oh God, That Great Tsunami.

O God, that great tsunami has stunned us one and all;
Our neighbors reel in anguish while homes and cities fall.
O God of wind and water who made the sea and sky,
Amid such great destruction, we mournfully ask "Why?"

How many folk have perished? We can’t their bodies find:
Life will not be the same now for those they’ve left behind.
More than a million mourners are grieving to their core;
O Jesus, Friend and Savior, you suffer with the poor.

Economies are ruined and lives in tatters lie,
Sewage is washed down-river while lonely orphans cry:
O Spirit, send your comfort and give us faith that cares.
For when our neighbors suffer, our lives are bound with theirs.

I particularly like the line about sewage being washed down-river. The authors missed an opportunity, since “sewage” can easily be rhymed with “new age.”

I have taken this atrocity as a challenge, and came up with “Oh God, That Last Big Twister,” written from the perspective of a Texan at the very Southern tip of Tornado Alley.

Oh God, that last big twister
has blown away my sister.
The trailer park's been tattered
And we've lost all that mattered.

We cower in abject fear;
It's broken all the beer,
And taken up to heaven
My AK-47.

In all this great disaster
We know You are the Master,
But still my hand I stick up,
Why did you wreck my pickup?

Readers, top that if you can.